


Clint is a Genius (And Everyone Else is Dumb)

by battybatzgirl



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: But Steve loves him anyway, Clint and Loki are secretly bffs, Clint ships Stony harder than anyone else, M/M, Steve is adorable, Tony Has Issues, devious!Clint and Loki, mainly with Clint, sarcastic!Tasha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-13
Updated: 2013-05-13
Packaged: 2017-12-11 17:24:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/801234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/battybatzgirl/pseuds/battybatzgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At a party the Avengers attend, Clint locks Tony and Steve in a closet.  Chaos and hilarity ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Clint is a Genius (And Everyone Else is Dumb)

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I got this idea today and I've basically been writing all day. So here is the sacrifice of my day *sweatdrop* I hope you like it! :) (Again, if I need to explain, this is the slight AU which Loki is basically hanging around because he's awesome and not so evil, just annoying.)

Clint is a genius. He really is. Not a genius like Tony or Bruce in science or physics or whatever the hell it is they exactly do, but a genius none the less. He wouldn't be surprised if he won a noble prize award for just being so smart.

When he tells Natasha this, she gives him a disbelieving look and asks what he means.

"I mean, I'm a genius!" repeated the archer, grinning brightly like a child at Christmas.

"Yeah, no, I got that," said Natasha, rolling her eyes. "I mean, why are you a genius?"

"Why?" repeats Clint, raising an eyebrow. "Well, it's quite simple, my dear Watson…" Clint goes on to explain how he had totally set Tony and Steve up. Clint was sick and tired of hearing how perfect Steve was from Tony and how amazing Tony was from Steve, so he decided to kick it up a notch and took the matter into his own hands. Well, and with the help of Loki's hands. And the rest of Loki too, not just his hands because that would be weird and—

"Wait, you got Loki in on this?" asked Natasha, raising an eyebrow and grabbing a glass of wine off of a tray of a server who was passing by.

"Yep," said Clint, popping the 'p' and leaning back against the wall, watching the other party-goers and waiting for his amazing plan to unfold. "Loki is actually a really awesome dude. (You know, if you get past the whole tried-to-destroy-the-world thing.) Plus, he loves pulling pranks on people, and this is basically the prank of the century, only when Steve and Tony tell it to their kids, it won't be a prank, it'll be how their Genius Uncle Clint got Mommy and Daddy together."

"They are both men, Clint," Natasha pointed out. "Who says they are going to have kids, anyway?"

"First of all, they are totally going to have kids. They'll have to get married first, and I've already got that mostly planned out in my head, I just need to know what kind of flowers Steve likes and then I'll have that set up and ready to go whenever they decide to go through with it. Second, I know that they are both guys, but have you actually ever seen Steve acting manly? I mean, yeah he's got the brawn but he cooks Tony breakfast every morning for Christ's sake. You can't get any more domestic than that," Clint replied, straitening his tuxedo.

The Avengers were currently at a fundraiser party for an organization that helped children with disability, which was being held at the governor of New York's house (mansion). They actually hadn't planned on going; it was kind of a last minute thing. What happened was that Steve heard about it on the news, and decided that he was going to go, and if Steve was going then Tony was going, and if Tony was going then everyone else had to go because they were a team, dammit, and they needed this kind of publicity stunt to get back into the people's good graces after Tony had nearly blown up the Empire State building. (Long story, don't ask.)

However, Clint—being a genius and all—knew the real reason why Tony was forcing them all to dress up in monkey suits and mingle with the public all night: Tony didn't want to be alone with Steve.

Tensions were high between the Captain and Tony, and whenever they were alone together the sexual tension was thick enough that you could cut it with a knife. Tony had only just now admitted to himself out loud that he liked Steve, but he hadn't acted on it yet. Steve was the same (only instead of actually saying that he liked Tony, he had just turned scarlet when Clint asked him about it and stuttered for about ten minutes straight so Clint chalked that up the '40s, back when men were be bashful and polite. Besides, it was more fun to torture Tony.).

So now, here they were at this party that none of them really wanted to be at except for Steve, and Clint vowed to make this a night that Tony would never forget. (And Steve. But mainly Tony.) Clint had talked to Loki yesterday about his idea, and the two stayed up all night plotting and planning various ways to get the Stony show on the road. (Bruce commented at breakfast that morning that they had been giggling like two teenage girls having a slumber party, but Clint let that roll right off his shoulders because he knew that Bruce didn't know anything about the Tony/Steve issue and thus he was not as smart as Clint and that was that.)

"What exactly are you planning to do?" questioned Natasha, sipping her wine.

"If I told you, I would have to kill you," said Clint lightly.

"You couldn't kill me even if you tried," replied Natasha in an unamused monotone.

"I am so not starting this with you right now," Clint said, "because I am awesome-er than you and you know it. But anyway, I really don't give a damn because I'm pretty sure Loki is here now and it's almost time to set The Plan in motion. (And yes, it's The Plan, not the plan, because capital letters are more fun.)"

"Spit it out!" snapped Natasha, getting impatient.

"I'm going to lock them in a closet," said Clint proudly.

"You're going to lock them in a closet?" repeated Natasha, raising an eyebrow. "That's your big plan? You do realize that we are in the governor's house and it might be awkward if he tries to get his jacket or something and opens it up to find two Avengers crammed inside of it."

"But it'll be perfect! This way, they will be forced to talk to each other about their feelings and I'm hoping they'll finally kiss or something, because I swear if I have to hear from Tony about how cute Steve is when he blushes one more time, I think I'll just end up killing them both. The governor wouldn't like that, would he?" concluded Clint, crossing his arms over his chest and smirking triumphantly at the redhead. She looked at him, bewildered.

"How long have you been planning this?"

"Technically, I only talked to Loki about it last night, but I've had the idea for over a month now," admitted Clint.

"I worry about you sometimes," muttered Natasha, pinching the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger.

"Have no fear, redhaired mistress, for Loki is here!" said Loki, popping into existence next to Natasha. She jumped in surprise and, on instinct, backhanded him across the face. Clint winced and Natasha gasped.

"Shit, I'm so sorry!" she cried. "Force of habit. Are you okay?"

"I am fine," replied Loki, only it sounded like a question. He rubbed his hand across his cheek—which was now sporting a large red mark—and turned his green eyes to Clint. "Are you ready to begin?"

"I was born ready," grinned Clint. Natasha rolled her eyes.

"Let us go!" said Loki, his grin matching Clint's and they both hurried off to find Steve and Tony in the crowd.

"Try not to make a scene!" called Natasha after them. "The last thing we need is to be thrown out of the state that has our home-base in it!" She paused, then added, "And don't kill anyone!"

…

"Steve! Steve! Oh my God, Steve!"

The super-soldier turned around to see a disheveled Clint running towards him. "Whoa, Clint, what's wrong?" asked Steve, his brow furrowing in concern. Clint's tie was askew and he was panting, as if he had just run a marathon.

"It's Tony," gasped the archer, putting his hand on Steve's shoulder to keep himself from falling over. Steve froze, and his blood ran cold.

"What's wrong with Tony?" asked Steve hesitantly.

"I-I dunno man," said Clint. "No one knows what happened, we just know that it's bad."

"Where is he?" demanded Steve, going into full-on soldier mode, fear and worry sinking into his gut. He didn't know if Tony was in danger, hurt, or dying, all he knew was that he needed to be there now.

Clint opened his mouth to answer, but then coughed. If Steve hadn't been so worried about Tony, he would have noticed that Clint's cough sounded too much like a laugh. "Follow me," said Clint, and he turned and began to navigate his way through the crowds of people in the governor's living room, Steve at his heels.

Clint leads him out of the crowded area, down a less crowded hallway, and up some stairs. All the while, Steve's heart was hammering in his chest. What could Tony possibly gotten himself into this time? Steve hoped that he was okay. If he wasn't…well, then there would be hell to pay. Someone would pay. Steve didn't know who, or how, but if Tony was hurt, Steve was going to punch someone's brains out.

Now upstairs, they were in a quiet hallway leading down to what Steve guessed was the governor's bedrooms, and he was about to ask Clint where the hell was Tony when Tony's voice called him.

"Steve!"

"Tony!"

Forgetting about Clint, forgetting about the fact that he was in someone else's house and he had no idea where he was going, Steve took off, trying to pinpoint where Tony was, which was hard because there were so many rooms in the house and Tony's voice had an echo to it, making it seem like it was everywhere at once.

"Steve!"

"Tony, where are you?" asked Steve, turning around but seeing nothing but hallway and doors.

"Over here, Steve! Follow my voice!"

Steve did so, turning left into another hallway. Only this one was a dead end, and there was only one door at the very end of it.

"Tony?" asked Steve hesitantly, and a feeling of insecurity passed over him. He took two more steps closer to the door, then was about to turn around and head back downstairs when there was a slight POP.

Steve whirled around to see a grinning Loki. Before he could ask what the hell Loki was doing, he was shoved backwards into a darkened room and the door was slammed in his face, hitting him on the nose.

"Ow!" cried Steve, lifting his hand to rub his smarting nose. Or, at least he tried, because when he lifted it, he elbowed something warm and soft behind him. Something soon became someone in Steve's mind as he heard a familiar voice ask, "Steve?"

"Tony?" asked Steve, trying to turn around. It was cramped in…wherever they were, not to mention dark. In fact, the only light that could be seen was the soft blue glow of Tony's arch reactor.

"What the hell—ow, quit elbowing me!" exclaimed Tony, and Steve apologized, but was turned around fully and now directly facing Tony. "What the hell are you doing in here?"

"I could ask you the same question," cantered Steve.

"I asked first."

"Clint told me you were in trouble and needed me," explained Steve with a sigh.

"Really?" asked Tony, raising an eyebrow. "Clint told me that you were being politically molested by reporters."

There was a brief moment of silence when both men simply looked at each other. Then, realizing what both of their stories had in common, they yelled, "CLINT!"

On the other side of the door that Steve was pressed up against, Clint's evil laughter could be heard.

"I can't believe you two actually fell for that!" he said once he had calmed down.

"It really was too easy," chorused the voice of Loki.

"Oh yeah, and Loki pushed me in here," remembered Steve, and he could practically feel Tony's eyeroll.

"Clint, if you don't let us out of here I swear to God I'm going to break your bow in half!" threatened Tony, somewhat pushing himself against Steve to get closer to the door.

"You wouldn't do that, you love me too much," came Clint's reply.

"The hell I do!" shouted Tony.

"Tony, you're breaking my eardrums," said Steve, putting his hand on Tony's chest, trying to push the billionaire back a few centimeters.

"Hear that? You're making Steve go deaf!" Tony yelled at the door. "Let us out!"

"No can do," said Clint, and Tony practically seethed. "I have my reasons for locking you two idiots in there, and there's no way my genius Plan will fail!" The click of a lock, another lock, and finally a third lock could be heard, and then Clint said, "I'll come and get you guys in a couple hours. Until then, kiss and make up."

Clint and Loki's retreating footsteps were heard and as soon as they were gone, Tony broke.

"I can't believe those two! Why would they lock us in here? And in the middle of a party? Are they crazy? Steve, can you break down the door?"

Steve looked at him blankly. "Tony, we are invited guests in someone else's house! I'm not breaking down a door that doesn't belong to me," he said innocently.

"I'll buy them a new one!" growled Tony. "I don't care! Just break it down!"

"No," said the soldier firmly, and Tony groaned.

"This is ridiculous!" he muttered, trying to shift away from Steve but only succeeded on stepping on the Captain's foot. "Sorry."

It was then that Tony noticed exactly how close he and Steve were to each other. They were both pressed up against opposite walls but were still nearly chest-to-chest. The arch reactor was casting shadows on Steve's face, but somehow his eyes seemed brighter in the darkness. Their faces were close, too, and if one of them moved the wrong way then they would be kissing. Tony could feel the warmth radiating off of Steve's body and he wanted to move closer to the super-soldier and—

Oh. So that's what Clint's big plan was.

Fucking bastard.

Tony tried hard not to let the closeness of Steve, the object of his recent fantasies, bother him. He tried really hard to think of anything but how when Steve breathed, his chest hit Tony's and hot damn, he looked good in a suit.

"So, uh," said Tony awkwardly, clearing his throat. "Hey."

"Hello, Tony," said Steve, his breath ghosting across Tony's lips. Shit. "How long do you think we'll be in here?"

"Clint said a couple of hours, but hell, knowing Clint he'll probably forget about us and leave us here until the governor finds us," Tony said offhandedly. "I can't believe I didn't see this coming."

"What could you have done if you saw this coming?" asked Steve, raising an eyebrow.

"Outsmart him," answered Tony simply. "Clint thinks he's a genius, but he's not. I still want to know why the hell he thought that this was a good idea."

At this, Steve bit his lip and looked away, flushing slightly in the darkness.

"Cap?" prodded Tony. "You okay, buddy? Don't go fainting on me here, because I think you would crush me."

"No, I'm not going to faint, it's just…IthinkIknowwhyClintlockedusinhere," said Steve in a rush.

"Oh?" asked Tony, raising an eyebrow. He already knew the answer, but he wanted to hear Steve's answer before he went out and said his own answer because shit, what if Steve didn't like him the way he liked Steve? "And what's that?"

"I…nothing," Steve quickly deflects the question, his ears turning red. Tony repeats the mantra of: don't think he's cute, don't think he's cute, don't think he's—fuck it, he's adorable.

"Aw c'mon Cappie-poo," teases Tony, all his anger at Clint gone and his normal wit returning. "We're going to be in here for a while, we might as well evaluate the situation."

Steve sends him a glare, "Don't call me Cappie-poo."

"Fine then, Stevie-weavy."

"Are you always this obnoxious?"

"Oh shut up, you know you love me."

"I do," said Steve in response. He had said it so quickly, he didn't even realize that he had said it. Tony realized, though, and his eyes widened. He prayed that Steve didn't notice the fact that the arch reactor in his chest began to glow brighter. Steve, who must have just now figured out what exactly had come out of his mouth, looked at Tony with a deer-in-the-headlights expression. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, and his face flushed all the way to the roots of his hair.

"Er…I…what I mean is…," stuttered Steve, his eyes looking everywhere but Tony, which was hard to do because they were so close together, there really was nothing in the line of Steve's vision that wasn't apart of Tony.

"Steve," Tony cut him off, smirking smugly at the thought that the reason the great Captain America got all flustered and embarrassed was because of him.

"Yes?"

"Why do you think Clint locked us in here?"

"…I…I might kinda sort of…like you," admitted Steve sheepishly, attempting to duck his head but only succeeded in banging his and Tony's foreheads together. "Ow, sorry."

Tony, despite the newfound pain blossoming from his skull, grinned. "But you just said that you loved me."

"No I didn't!" protested Steve quickly. "The words 'I love you' never came out my mouth!"

"But do you?" Tony encouraged, suddenly feeling extremely giddy at the thought of Steve—drop dead sexy, fucking adorable Steve—being in love with him.

Steve was practically glowing at this point. "I…why do you want to know, anyway?"

"Because I think I might but I'm not going to say it unless you do," said Tony casually, but on the inside his blood is pumping through his veins so fast he can hear it. Maybe Clint had a point. It was about time that he admitted his feelings to Steve, and as girly as that sounded, it was true, because if Steve rejected him…Well, he didn't want to think about that.

"Y-you think…I…You…?"

"Steve, honey, I don't have all day," said Tony, holding back the urge to roll his eyes. Honestly, sometimes having to deal with Steve and his naiveness was almost too much for a guy to put up with.

Almost.

Steve glared at him. "Well I'm not going to say it first."

Tony scoffs. "Yes you will. You're the chick in this relationship and the chick always says it first."

"I am not a girl!" cries Steve.

"You make me breakfast every morning, you blush, like, all the time, and dude, have you seen your sock drawer? It's like a fucking filing cabinet!"

Steve stares at him blankly. "When were you looking in my sock drawer?"

It was Tony's turn to flush, his cheeks turning a dark red and Steve actually smiles at it, that bitch.

"Nevermind," Tony said quickly.

Steve sighs. "We're not even together yet and you're already stalking me."

Tony grins, "I can't help it, you're just so stalkable."

"That's not a word, Tony."

"Then I'll buy Webster and make it a word."

"You're impossible."

"And you're a guy who wears star-spangled tights."

For a moment, they both glared at each other in the darkness, the only sound coming from their breathing. Then, they both opened their mouths and said together, "I love you."

Quickly coming to the realization that neither of them had technically said it first, both men smiled.

"So, now what?" asked Steve.

"Hmm, I was thinking along the lines of this," said Tony, leaning forward and pressing his lips against Steve's. Steve, who was a bit inexperienced in this area, followed Tony's lead and opened his mouth when Tony ran his tongue across his bottom lip. Steve moaned when Tony's tongue came into contact with his, and ran his fingers through the billionaire's hair.

When the pulled back for air, both of them were panting. Tony grinned at the sight of a disheveled Captain America and started laughing.

"W-what?" asked Steve, cocking his head and blinking innocently.

"Has anyone ever told you that you look hot in a tux?" Tony purred, running his hand down Steve's chest, feeling the hard muscles there, going lower, lower, lower…

"Tony—" Steve started, but squeaked in surprise when Tony's hand went past his belt and into pants. Tony laughed again and pressed his mouth against Steve's once more, fully planning on using their time in the closet to his advantage.

Maybe Clint wasn't as dumb as he thought after all.


End file.
